We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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