This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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