So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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