So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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