She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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