The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
