the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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