walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
