Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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