My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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