Welp...herpes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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