i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize