she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
