I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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