i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
