careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I didn't notice because vodka
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
