I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
