69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
