If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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