Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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