Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
