my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
