don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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