i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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