the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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