shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
