Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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