i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
