well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
