17 year olds will be the death of me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I want is dick and wine.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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