yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
