I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
