it's too hot outside to masturbate.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
