I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
