ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
