Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
