A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
