Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
