I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
