you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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