i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
