party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
