I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
