It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
