"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
