True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
