Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
