I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize