Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
