I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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