Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
