okay pat passed out under dana's car
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
