You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my liver is dry heaving
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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