You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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