Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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