thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
