So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
