She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
