Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize