It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
