when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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