whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
