are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
