i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
